Car Crash.

I know it has again been awhile but soon I will be able to post more frequently. Last official 2nd year university assignment is handed in, so it's mainly just work (a lot) taking up my time.

I was on my way to work when my tire blew out today. This terrified me. Before anyone says I'm a sook or a typical girl I would like to explain why.

First off my best friend died in a car accident a few years ago. It was the hardest thing to ever happen and even though it was over three years ago now it still hurts... and everyday it feels like the pain gets worse not better. Not only did this rob me of a friend and the world of the most amazing person to ever live but it made me scared. She always made me feel protected because I could count on her. It made me scared of cars, especially driving cars, knowing how easy it could happen, and how one little thing could change EVERYTHING. I put of my licence for as long as possible and try to avoid driving, which is made hard but work or university everyday so I have to drive everyday.

Today itself would've been scary for anyone though. It was an 80km road, 4 lanes, school traffic, so a lot of cars going very fast. I was going around a bend when I heard a loud pop, then in my side view mirror I see my hubcap flying through the air onto the opposite side of the road. At first I thought I was going to make another car crash, which may have scared me the most, until suddenly my car swerved out of my control as the tire got caught on the road. In that moment I felt so sure that I wasn't going home that night, instead I was going to be joining my friend. I could only think, did this pass through her mind in the second before it happened? Somehow my instincts just took over and I slowed, not to make the cars behind me hit me though. A slight gap in the road and I dashed to the side. My tire completely shredded.

I have to thank all the cars around me that first saw the hubcap fly as a warning sign and knew themselves what was about to happen to my car. I will no longer see every other driver as an idiot, I now have a huge respect for the way every car helped me out today.

I would also like to say that I disagree with people that say it all happened to fast. I get in some situations, way more extreme than mine, that nothing can prevent the crash but I'm pretty sure that it's not because it happened too fast. Those few seconds really did give me time to go through everything, enough time to be scared, think, mourn. That instant was as long as a life time to me.

To cap the day/ night I called my Mum, obviously close to hysterical, asking her to come give me a lift to work (work was the last thing I wanted but I need the money and it was supposed to be a short shift tonight anyway). She gets there and she is mad! I really needed someone in that moment to talk to about what happened but instead I had become this burden that had inconvenienced her! I would have given anything to have my friend back to talk to at the moment. I even thought maybe the car should have crashed.

To emotionally exhausted, mad at my Mum, missing my friend, and car on the side of the road, I get to work and my friends sister is there! I almost died, right on the spot. I have no idea how I managed to laugh and smile through my whole shift but I did. And straight away I just wanted a bath and sleep, maybe at the same time? But my Mum and Step dad had a different idea. Yell some more for my inconvenience and burden. Then I had to drive my car home (luckily the tire was fixed, but I was still so shakey). I'm thinking now that I may never want to drive again... and looking at a photo... the loss just hurts everyday... she was a great person...

RIP Rochelle Beloe... best friend a person could ever dream about...